My (half) year in review

My year has been a whirlwind. When I started 2017, I didn’t really know what to expect. I knew that I was going to have to make some big decisions concerning my life and future, but I didn’t really think things were going to work out the way they did.
I started the year with a boyfriend. I hate that I talk about it so much, but he was such a big part of my life that it’s going to take more than two months for me to stop talking about him. It’s kind of crazy that he broke up with me at the beginning of June, so we spent the first half of the year together and honestly it wasn’t perfect. We broke up for a weekend in January and part of me wishes we would have stayed apart instead of getting back together because we got into a pretty big fight in May and things just went downhill from there.
If you would have told me at the beginning of the year that I would be spending my summer learning how to be alone again I probably would have laughed and said “OK maybe you are right.” I knew it was going to happen; it was just a matter of when.
So, I spent the first half of my year obsessing over a boy who didn’t really want to be with me in the first place. I’m spending the second half of my year obsessing over myself because I am the only one worthy of my time.
I have always been insecure and being in a relationship really didn’t help, and being broken up with definitely didn’t help. I’m learning to be in love with myself. I have been going to the gym and working on being the healthiest that I can be. I’m not focusing on the numbers, just focusing on feeling better about myself. By the end of this year, I hope to be the confident person that I know I can be. I want to radiate confidence, and that is much easier said than done. I’m working on it, though.
I graduated from Louisiana Tech University with a Bachelor of Arts degree in Modern Language and Journalism. At the time of graduation, I was really hoping to land a teaching position overseas. I was waitlisted for that and just recently found out that I did not get the position. I was bummed about it, but I know things happen for a reason so there is a reason that I am still here in Ruston. I currently have a job at a newspaper where I am gaining new experience every day. I am much better at working Adobe InDesign than I was three months ago, and I am so proud of myself. I have a weekly column that is published every Monday, and my boss has been giving me story ideas to look into once I finish all of my design work. I’m not writing as much as I had hoped I would be, but I am still thankful for the experience that I am gaining.
2017 has been a crazy year, and it’s not even over yet. I’m pretty sure I have cried more this year than I have ever cried, whether it was about school, boys, finances, or just because I was emotional. I am so tired of crying and I only hope that as the year fades, the tears will fade with it. I didn’t really know what to expect going into this year. The only thing I knew was that it was going to be a year full of change, and that is exactly what it has been.
I’ve learned a great deal in the last seven months. I’m finally OK with letting toxic people out of my life. For a while, I wanted to be friends with my ex because the thought of never seeing him again made my heart hurt. Now, I am totally OK with never seeing him again because what we had was great at times, but it was also toxic. I can’t have that in my life moving forward. I’ve gained new friends and gone on actual dates with really nice guys. I moved into a new house with my brother and that was one of the best decisions I’ve made all year. I’m eating healthier foods and drinking more water than ever before. I am learning new things about myself that I didn’t know before. I’m finally comfortable with writing personal things and putting them on the Internet for the world to see. I want to write about my struggles with the hope that it will help someone who may be going through the same thing.
I think the biggest thing that I have learned, and I’m still learning, is to put myself first. I have always been a people pleaser. I want everyone around me to be happy, because if they are happy then maybe I can be happy. That’s not how things work, though. I need to learn when to put myself first because my happiness and well-being should be one of the most important things to me.
I hope the rest of 2017 is better than the first half. Here’s to a better half.

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