ain’t no crying in the club

I have always hated crying. When I was younger, my mom would tell me that crying made you look weak, and to this day I still believe that. Now, I know that it’s healthy to cry. Sometimes that’s the only thing you can do.
It’s no secret now that I recently went through a breakup. He was my best friend before we were dating and that made the separation even harder. I still miss him, but I’m tired of crying because there ain’t no crying in the club.
Boys are great and they can be fun, but this isn’t worth the amount of tears that I have cried. I am so happy for the time we spent together, and I wish him the best in everything that he does, but the relationship really wasn’t a relationship.
I had to ask to hang out with him; what kind of girlfriend has to ASK to hang out with her boyfriend?
We had fun together, but when we were with our friends he would belittle me. That is not how I deserve to be treated. I’m not without faults. I know that I was a bitch to him, too. But even after all the times I was rude, I still didn’t deserve to be treated the way I was.
It’s been over a month since we broke up, and it’s weird to think that I am no longer with someone. Especially considering how long we were “together.” Technically, we were only dating for seven months. But we had been unofficial for a year before that, and were friends long before that.
So after two years, he no longer is the person I want to be with. It took two years for me to realize he was not the right person for me. It took me losing myself to realize there are better things out there for me.
The first week after the breakup was the toughest week of my life. I cried myself to sleep every night because I was scared that if he didn’t love me then no one would.
I feared I would lay alone forever, but I know that’s not true. I know that was just a lie I was telling myself.
I think it was tough because I never really pictured myself as being someone who loves multiple people throughout my lifetime. I thought I had found someone who I could maybe do life with. I didn’t want to get married anytime soon, but I did picture us starting careers and supporting each other until one day we would eventually get married.
That’s not how life works. At least, that’s not how my life is going to work. I have to learn to love myself. I guess I’m going to love different people until I find the person who I’m really supposed to do life with.
Until that day though, I’m done crying because there ain’t no crying in the club.


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