behind the camera

I recently went on a hiking trip with my brothers. At each stop we made, I made sure to get candid photos of them enjoying the scenery and having fun. At the end of the day I made a comment about how no one ever takes candid photos of me having fun. Trey looked at me and said, “Well, it’s because your good at taking pictures of people. You’re not good at being the other person.”
At first I was confused because how can I not be good at having fun, but I realized, I’m not good at being in front of the camera.
I have insecurity issues. I’m sure we all have them, but for me, I am so insecure about the way I look, especially in photos. My brother took a photo of me at the waterfall we visited on the hike and the first thing I asked him was “Do I look fat?”
That shouldn’t be the first thing that comes to my mind when someone takes a photo of me. I shouldn’t be worried about my appearance or what people will think or how many likes it will get on instagram.
What I should ask is “Does this capture everything that I am feeling in this moment?” Taking pictures is a great way to document the things you are seeing an experiencing, but when you get so caught up in what other people will think, then it becomes a problem.
I’m currently working on loving myself more. I recently went through a break up and that has my confidence at an all time low. I am constantly wondering if I was dumped because I’m too fat. I know that’s not the reason, but that thought still pops up in my mind every night before I go to bed.
I’m not comfortable being in front of the camera. I want to be confident enough to be able to wear no makeup and love a picture that someone takes of me. I’m not there yet, but I know I am on the right path to getting there.
It’s going to take a lot of time and self-love, but it will be worth it in the end.
Maybe when that day comes and I am confident and happy, I’ll finally be able to be the person who gets candid shots taken of them.
Until that day, I will be more than happy to take photos of my friends enjoying the many adventures we go on.

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